born for a purpose

Throughout my life ,
I have been conscience that God created me for His purposes,
Verses such as Prov 3 verse 6  and Matthew 6 verse 33
have inspired me.

I was about ten when one day I said "I want to be a Minister"
When I was 17 I felt the call of God to preach from the pulpit
in front of me. His prompting was so clear.

When a student minister I was  conscience   that I had gifts of ministry within.  I was to learn of my Levitical heritage.

When the trauma, the ugliness of csa surfaced
I saw that God's love is a greater power.
My first thoughts went to

My Grandmother's love of God
and His love shining through her face
My aunt who rescued me
My Sunday School teacher's love of God
and her committment to us.

and singing "Jesus loves me,
                   this I know..."

I  have a story, a testimony
God has brought me through the most evil of evil
the darkest place

I only ask readers to focus on my testimony


little boy's cry for help

    On Boxing Day 2010 Donna Crouch shared part of her story at Hillsong Morning Service. At 17-18 every Sat morning a maths tutor came to her home. He was a man in his sixties . the monster sat too close, arm around her etc. She rehearsed ways to escape. At that point I recalled what was my first cry for help. My first way of escape. Had my parents listened I would never have later been raped.
    As preparations for my aunt's wedding got underway I began to ask questions. I was only an infant, but I will never forget my pleadings. My aunt had been my rescurer. I recall. My birth mother was to have been her bridesmaid and my birth father the best man. and I was an only child. I pleaded to be a pageboy. my parents rejected this request. I was told children couldn't go to the reception. I pleaded to go. I was told it was too expensive to include children. I pleaded to go and stand and not eat. I desperately wanted to go to be safe.
   My birth parents had been defriended by a childless couple, I will call mr and mrs perpetrator ( perp for short). I don't recall their access but at my aunt's wedding I recall that I hated mrs perp ( so stuff had already happened - most likely grooming). During the service I was left sitting next to mrs perp.  I wanted to escape.
I looked at my grandparents, my cousins for a spare seat.

      This morning I thought - What if my birth parents had have heard me?  What if my grandparents had have minded me and kept me safe?  Or what if I had have run up the isle and sat on my nanna's knee? What if hey had have looked after me? What if access had have ended there?

      Parents - please let your kids know you will listen to them. No matter how young they are. If they don't want to be with someone, please don't make them.



My hope in God

When I commenced my full time  BA  as a student for the ministry.
I recall climbing the stairs of my residential college and

being prompted to pray for three fellow students to pray with
to this day one is one of my closest friends

that if I am going to preach that

"Jesus is the answer"

that  I would trust God to show me how He is the answer to every question. He released His truth so convincingly and He released me to write Christian perspectives in my essays
 and my tutorials (small groups)

but the greatest exercise of faith was to trust Him for a recovery programme from child sexual abuse. - for there were no twelve steps.

I  give praise to Jesus Christ the Lord,
for releasing insights, councellors, Christian Pastors and friends
certain members of my extended family and my own family.