Overcomming Denial

Overcomming Denial is one of the first steps of recovery

but there are often further denials to overcome later

this has been my experience.

It has been said when the pain exceeds the shame the memories are released

sometimes the memories are supressed to avoid the pain

I just reached the stage where I wanted to know why some  friends and collegues made comments like "I don't understand you"

memories might be supressed but the symptons ozze out

behaviour is affected

when my memories survaced I ws pleased I now knew what I had to deal with

others' denial

Survivors of Child sexual abuse also often face:
  • discreditation
  • victimisation
  • minimisation -  "it wasn't that bad"  
  •                        "why can't you just get over it?"
                      these insensitive remarks minimise the serious effects of csa
             are often made by those who want to avoid  taking           responsability for breaches or omissions in their duty of care

The obsticle, the setback of others denial.

sometimes parents, school authorities, church authorities, employers
make excuses for the abuser
deny that it could have happened - abusers are cunning
             they often have a public face
               to hide their evil in secreat.

eg "he was at work" - but he went home at lunchtime or free periods.
     "he does such good work in the community"

      "she looks after the children" - unsupervised


memories flooded out

I was now in my late fifties
I had done the church recovery course twice
but there was more more to be done
I knew it

some ideas come from God 
some are our mind progressing

this time He was in charge of what some may call co incidents
I call it miricles

the short version
I saught my fathers affirmation that there were rumours that me abuser
was molesting boys - he was a clam

but two days later ( I was praying with a relative in between)
my mother disclosed the name of the couple who minded me when I was two ....

I knew instantly it as their abuse which was the most severe
their abuse which had  been devestating

the lid was lifted

over the next two years I processed it

I spent hours on it

I stayed up until 1-2am processing stuff with Christians recovering from csa

at one time it was like a wall being taken down
and a wall of sewer flowed out

the Lord was cleaning out my inner being

I just hung on tight and said
"Lord Jesus, as a young man I gave you my life.
I'm trusting you
because the current is so strong that if I let go I will drown in it."
He rescued me and set me on a rock

I am now seeing breakthroughs

  • I can concentrate at work
  • I can go to church without longing for personal ministry
  • I can go to a prayer meeting and  let others receive prayer
  • I am more in control of my feelings
  • I can appreciate beauty in nature - since csa it had been a blurr
  • I have regained my sence of adventure